I say manoeuvre, you say maneuver…

At the island of Kauai, they took this ship…

…through this channel…

…with the help of this tug boat…

…this light house…

…and I think there might have been a guy standing onshore behind the ship, gesticulating.

Maui: wow—eeeee!

Next stop was Maui, the next-oldest in the volcanic island chain. As the Hawaiian chain drifts westward on the Pacific plate, the island volcanoes drift off the “hot spot” and cease to be active. So there’s just these magnificent old volcano cones in peaceful blue water, with the added advantage that they won’t start spewing lethal gases and molten rock at a moment’s notice…

At one point they threw me overboard….

….but I found a way back on. Arrrrrr!!!!

There were also whales and dolphins swimming around the boat all day, and we went snorkelling with sea turtles the size of truck tyres.

The sea cratures did not oblige us with photo opportunities, so you’ll just have to believe me. They were there. In the water. With us. OK?

Wot we did on our holidays…

…walked across the most active volcano in the world!

This is part of the caldera of Kilauea volcano on Hilo, the ‘big island’ of the Hawaiian chain and the only one that is still volcanically active. This is where all the spectacular footage of lava flows and steam vents comes from and where, if I recall correctly, the Brady Bunch fell foul an ancient Hawaiian curse because they tried to take some of the lava rock with them*.

So anyway, here is the crater:

What happened is that, in about 1957, this crater was a pond of molten lava about 300 feet deep. You can see the crinkly edges, where it dried a bit like crispy cheese:

See that reddish spot in the far-right middle section of the caldera wall? That is where the lave came out, shooting up to 600 feet in the air for several weeks, building the slag heap behind it, and filling the crater with hundreds of feet of molten rock.

Today, it has cooled down enough that you can walk across the floor, and rainforest plants have already begun to take root in the very friable, brittle rock:

It feels like walking on the moon, or Mars, in boardshorts…

The fractured zones are where the molten rock solidified into glass shards. It’s like scuttling across the ice-cream of a very angry god who likes pain.

Vents like this lead directly down 200 feet or so to where the lava is still cooling. Natural rainwater seeps into the rock and emerges from these vents as steam. You can quite easily scald your hand if you hold it near a vent**. Also, just inside the entrance there are tiny heat-loving lichens and ferns that sit quietly in the warm steam, about 4000 feet above sea-level.

This last crater you cannot walk across because it is still active and choking to death on hydrogen sulfide is bad for your health:

During the 19th century, this crater spewed lava fountains continuously for almost sixty years, and wealthy travelers from across the world came to marvel at the sight. Among them was Mark Twain, whose wit and erudition were completely useless for capturing what it actually looked like. Camera manufacturers of the world missed it by 50 years and have been kicking themselves ever since. All we are left with is drawings by well-to-do Victorian Britons, and latter-day photographs of the caldera now that things have calmed down a bit.

* Moral of the episode: Don’t take ancient volcanic lava rock from Hawaii or you will upset the goddess Pele. It is also possible that I have completely forgotten the storyline of the Brady Bunch in Hawaii Special. Next week: Cindy hates braces!
** It also helps to be stupid.

ROAD TRIP!!!!!!

Before any long drive, you need to have a good breakfast:

We’re off to Niagara Falls and Toronto for a couple days. Hotels rooms will be trashed. Hitch-hikers will be picked up. Signposts will be turned the wrong way around. Slow drivers will be tailgated. Faces will be pulled at six-year-olds in the back seat of SUVs. Truckers will be mooned. Hundreds of empties will spill out of the car door when it’s opened, to reveal unconscious co-eds asleep on the back seat.

Maybe.

Things I noticed in Dublin

Stickers on trash cans that say “No bomb please”.

Guinness is much more palatable there.

A lunch stand selling delicious Mauritian curries.

Everyone has gorgeous complexion because they never see the sun.

The pubs play a lot of U2.

The pubs do not play a lot of Boomtown Rats.

There are at least 45 kinds of Irish Whiskey not called Jameson’s.

A lot of Polish supermarkets.

Irish kids are very fashionable thanks to H&M and TopShop.

Oscar Wilde’s house (A Georgian terrace — tasteful, of course).

A religious museum that has papyrus fragments from the oldest known gospels – older than the Dead Sea Scrolls.

The weather is too crap to take photographs.

Leprechauns.

Cruising then and now

The Queen Mary was built in the 1930s, so it’s fascinating to compare it with a Princess ship built this decade. Sometimes it’s hard to tell which is which…

Under the hood

In the engine room of the Queen Mary. I wonder what this is for?

Oops!

This one controlled the thrusters for manoeuvrings into port. Or possibly Warp Factor 5:

The wheelhouse, faithfully preserved:

The original navigation chart from the maiden voyage in the 1930s:

And here is the radio room. The original equipment of course long-dead, however it’s been retrofitted with new transmitters and today is the HQ of a local amateur radio station that broadcasts year-round!

Next up, a visual comparison with newer cruise ships. She stacks up pretty well!

Interior decorating

…And so we continue our tour of the Queen Mary. Inside it is beautifully preserved, with original Art Deco furnishings such as this from the former first class bar. I think it would pass muster today in most places, no?:

Here was the Captain’s Day Room:

And his (“his” of course) evening chambers, which the plaque described as “spartan”:

The rooms had actual portals which open!

Plus central heating, 1940s style!

The redundantly named Grand Ballroom:

With its magnificent friezes:

There are hardwood friezes like this throughout the public areas:

Over in the dining room, here was the kosher menu. Braised veal tongue. Mmmmm….

Galley equipment. Looks like a typical 1940s kitchen, right?

Tomorrow, it’s the engineers’ tour!

Nothing like this dame

Before our Christmas cruise, we stayed a night on the original Queen Mary, which is now a floating hotel docked permanently off Long Beach, California:

Magnificent does not begin to describe it…

Here is sunrise on deck…

Ahoy there! Idiot looking through a telescope to starboard!

For some reason, it had a mast, which was entirely redundant:

Err, those funnels are…tall:

VERY tall…

Very very tall (and hard to sweep!)

Stay tuned for more boat porn tomorrow!

Where it all began

What’s the oldest European settlement in the USA?

Not Plymouth. Not Jamestown. Not Roanoke.

Nope, it’s St. Augustin on the North Florida coast. The Spanish settled it in the early 1500s as a way-station for its ships sailing up from South America via the gulf stream. It was an important stop for supplies, and a strategic lynchpin against pirate raiders.

A lot of the original town is built out  of this stuff:

Cocina is a very soft, lightweight agglomeration of sea-shells naturally held together with lime.

It was quarried on a nearby island across the channel, and used to make little things:

And big things:

This fort guarded the port against pirate raids, and was constructed in the 1700s after the original wooden fortifications were burnt down.

It looks out both to the Atlantic Ocean:

And over the town:

With cannons!

All in all, a most impressive construction. The Cocina rock reputedly “swallows cannonballs” — it is so light and porous that it simply absorbs the energy of the cannonball, taking it into the stone without shattering.

The inside of the fort is neat as a pin:

That lawn was originally used by the Conquistadors for frisbee tournaments.

The rest of the town is a charming mixture of Spanish Colonial and late American Tourist:

And thanks so much to Meg and Charles for showing us all around!